Life Altering

It's almost 4:00 in the morning and I can't sleep.  I'm lying next to my daughter in her hospital bed, my heart aching and my mind reeling with questions, some for the doctor, some for God.  Three days ago, my sweet innocent little girl was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.  While here at the hospital, I've encountered many wonderful children facing heartbreaking challenges.  I see a small child with a feeding tube in their nose, a sweet little girl in a wheelchair, I pass a room with a crib... and while I am immensely grateful Kylie's challenge is not worse, it does little to ease the heartache.  We want so badly as parents to give our children wonderful HEALTHY lives.  Now I feel helpless.  There was nothing I could do to prevent it.  It is what it is.  Maybe I'm overreacting, but it's still to hard grasp.  The hardest was holding her while they gave her insulin shots.  It took everything in me not to break down in front of her.  I failed once. She's was hysterical!  I asked her if we could say a pray.  I couldn't stop the tears from the moment I said, "Dear Heavenly Father."  She peeked at me in the middle of it, and afterwards she asked if I was crying.  I didn't know what to say.  Had I failed in being strong for her?  My hope is for her to know we have to do this to keep her healthy and strong, that it really is what's best for her.  I love her more than words can express!  I know it will get easier with time.  She is now taking it like a champ!  She's becoming stronger and can now handle all the poking by squeezing her little eyes and tightly holding my hand.  If she can do it, I can do it!  Not sure why I'm writing this, I guess it's just therapeutic.  Sending it all out into the cosmic universe, or in this case the world wide web.

More details to come.........eventually!